Loneliness and Solitude Are Inevitable in Life

During a systemic constellation session, a female participant perceived herself as lonely and isolated. Within her family system, she couldn't find a place of protection. Her parents were weighed down by heavy, inescapable destinies, leaving her unable to help them, and them unable to help her, rendering everyone isolated. The next day, she wrote these words to express her feelings: “I now understand what has always followed me in my life, but what I've never understood is: I am lonely, and there's no place where I exist.” I responded to her, “You're only half right. You do indeed feel lonely or often experience solitude. That is the reality of your life.” As I finished speaking, I saw her relax, her demeanor calming, and color returning to her pale cheeks. I asked her, "How do you feel hearing what I said?" She replied, "I still feel pretty bad, but I'm a bit calmer now." I told her, "That's it. When we can face the realities of life, we find peace and strength." She listened attentively, becoming more relaxed, focused, serious, and energetic—a subtle but keen reflection of inner change. We could feel the profound change as she transitioned from childhood to adulthood in that moment. I continued, emphasizing, "When you confront your loneliness and solitude, you can face real life. When you face real life, you confront all realities. That's when your life finds balance. It's true that you may be alone, but you won't feel lonely or isolated anymore. If you ignore or deny your loneliness, you disconnect from reality and lose clarity about what's truly happening, and you'll feel lost.” The woman agreed with my analysis and nodded. The people present noticed her visible improvement, though she maintained a serious demeanor, which was not surprising considering the profound nature of her experiences. Her story is not uncommon; similar situations could happen to anyone.

Extracted from “In guten wie in schlechten Zeiten“ by Wilfried Nelles