[Parents and Children] The Earliest Form of Help

The first form of help takes place between parents and children, with the earliest instance occurring between a mother and her child. In this dynamic, parents give, and children receive. Parents are the ones who are big, abundant, and capable; children are small, dependent, and in need. Because of the deep bond of love between them, the giving and receiving between parents and children often feels limitless. Children naturally expect to receive everything from their parents, while parents are ready to give their all to their children. However, it’s essential for the exchange between parents and children to follow a certain order.

This order applies only during a child’s early years. As the child grows, parents must set boundaries to allow them to experience frustration within manageable limits, encouraging maturity.

Does setting boundaries mean the parents love their children less? Are parents more competent if they avoid imposing limits? Or is it precisely by setting boundaries—motivated by the desire to prepare their children for adulthood—that parents fulfill their role? Many children become unhappy when faced with limits because they prefer to stay in a state of complete dependence. However, when parents challenge their children’s expectations, they help them grow beyond dependence, moving step by step toward independence. Only by going through this process can a child mature and find their place in the adult world. In time, they transition from being receivers to becoming givers themselves.

Extracted from “Rising in Love” by Bert Hellinger