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In the recently aired Korean drama 'That Winter, the Wind Blows', the female lead, a wealthy heiress, is always prepared to die, while the male lead, living in poverty, wants to live on despite the harsh world around him.
This storyline reminded me of Sigmund Freud's theory that humans are driven by conflicting desires for life and death. The female lead, despite her readiness to die, harbors a desire to live, while the male lead, who wants to live at all costs, carries a hidden desire for death. This interplay of conflicting desires is what draws them to each other, creating a connection.
During the workshop, I represented the mother role several times and noticed their resilient strength. Though often suppressed, this strength emerges at critical moments, breaking free to offer their children genuine hugs and support. I believe this power comes from having given life to their children, which in turn grants them the strength of life. I have suffered from stomach ailments since childhood, with frequent attacks in the middle of the night about ten to twenty years ago. One night, when the pain was unbearable, I dreamt that my mother came to hug me. Inspired by the dream, I went to my mother's room, woke her up, and told her about the excruciating pain. Worried, she followed me back to my room and hugged me, and the pain indeed subsided. At that time, I didn’t understand the concept of connecting with my mother, but the dream and the relief it brought gave me some insight. It wasn’t until I encountered systemic constellations a few years ago that I fully understood this connection. In discussions on various topics during constellations, we often encounter people who wish to leave. These desires to leave may stem from following others or seeking balance, yet they may also arise from personal issues.
Whenever I encounter this situation, I am reminded of an exercise I did over a decade ago on the topic of "conflict integration". During this process, I realized that life and death themselves are not the problem. We use the conflict between life and death to integrate and find our own life’s meaning. For me, the meaning of life is no longer a process of exploration but a process of bestowal. The quality of life comes from how we want life to unfold, and its strength comes from the intensity of this desire. When I no longer felt trapped by memories of my childhood stomach issues, it is no longer a constraint. I gradually gained weight, gaining vitality. The forces of life and death may seem conflicting before integration, but once integrated, we realize they actually complement each other. It's like the mental imagery I saw after integration—a harmonious blend of a bright world and the boundless universe forming a Tai Chi symbol, which then transformed into a sphere of light. Light and shadow are inherently unified, just as life and death are. With this understanding, the topic of life and death no longer troubles me; I face it calmly and fearlessly.
Written by a student of the Happiness Coach Workshop
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