The Joy and Pain of Love

Every new relationship activates our subconscious, awakening the deep-seated joy we felt when we were connected to our mother in the womb. Naturally, we yearn to experience the same profound joy of unity with our partner. However, when that expectation isn't met, we often find ourselves reliving the deepest pain. For many, this is the source of both the joy and the sorrow that love brings. At the beginning of a romantic relationship, love may seem like the dawn of a beautiful new world, pushing us toward our partner and into a new world. But as time passes, we begin to question the reality of this new world. Is it genuine, or just an illusion? Many people, faced with this doubt, choose to abandon the journey of love. Why does this happen? Because love not only opens up new experiences but also awakens old memories—the part of us that was deeply connected to our mother. These memories resurface in every new relationship. At the beginning of life, every individual is connected to their mother in the deepest, most intrinsic way. A fetus spends an average of nine months in the womb, sharing in the mother’s existence—she breathes, eats, and nourishes the growing child. In this sense, the fetus is part of the mother. The fetus can also feel the mother’s emotions, sensing her joy, anger, sadness, and happiness. This connection is imprinted in our subconscious, forming our deepest and most powerful sense of joy. Anything that tarnishes or disrupts this joy is experienced as pain, stored deep within us. Every new relationship activates our subconscious, awakening the deep-seated joy we felt when connected to our mother in the womb. Naturally, we yearn to experience the same profound joy of unity with our partner. However, when that expectation isn't met, we often find ourselves reliving the deepest pain. For many, this is the source of both the joy and the sorrow that love brings. When our inner being is nourished, we feel joy; but when we realize that perfect unity is impossible, we are left with disappointment and pain. Although partners are trustworthy, they remain independent individuals, and in the end, each of us is alone. At birth, each person comes into the world alone, and birth is the earliest experience of separation. Recognizing this process is crucial, as it helps us understand where love leads us and what role our partners play in that journey.

Extracted from “In Guten Wie in Schlechten Zeiten” by Wilfried Nelles